I'm Not There

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Ben Whishaw, Christian Bale, Richard Gere, Marcus Carl Franklin, Heath Ledger Directed by: Todd Haynes

Though I'm not much of a Bob Dylan fan, I had been wanting to see I'm Not There for quite some time-if for no other reason than to see how six very different actors – Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, Marcus Carl Franklin, Richard Gere and Ben Wishaw – portraying this musician.

But none of them are actually Bob Dylan – they are characters that embody different personas, phases, re-inventions, perceptions.  The movie doesn't follow a chronological timeline; rather, it has a more organic, theme-driven flow.  The story of a 10-year-old guitar-playing, ballad-singing, train-hopping wanderer who calls himself Woody Guthrie (Franklin) bleeds into the world of Billy (Gere), a loner living on the outskirts of an old west-style town.

The movie diverts into a documentary-style approach – a tale told by others –  when introducing Jack (Bale).  Jack is a musician whose songs about his observations, thoughts and feelings resonate with the general public.  Hounded by attention, expectations, praise and labels he doesn't want and cannot handle, Jack eventually abandons these 'finger pointing songs' and pursues a career as a minister.

Another figure feeling trapped by public opinion, Jude Quinn (Blanchett) gets a very cold reception from fans (and other musicians) when switching from folk fare to electric guitar-driven rock.  With the sunglasses, wardrobe, hairstyle, chain-smoking, and cryptic comments that are apparently quintessential Dylan, Blanchett deserves the attention she got for this role.  A pill-popping, never sleeping, somewhat twitchy ball of energy, cryptic answers and refusal to be defined by what other think he is, Quinn appears to be the real mouthpiece of the film.  The artist stifled on all sides – both by the public eye as well as a lifestyle/charade that seems to be more troublesome to keep up than it serves as an escape.

Robbie (Ledger) and Arthur (Wishaw) are more peripheral characters – interesting in the way they are woven into the film as the budding young celebrity indulgently reveling in the limelight and the poet delivering insights on all that unfolds.

Even though I've described the characters and some elements of the story, I've really given nothing away about the overall experience of watching I'm Not There. I was a little worried when reading that it was somewhat of an art film, as that usually indicated the movie will make no sense (i.e. Tuvalu.)  Also, some musician biopics can be very choppy (the first half or so of La Vie En Rose…yikes) or perhaps more fiction than fact.  For example, I thought Walk the Line was fantastic, but after my grandparents saw it, my Gran had to comment, "Well, it was good, but June Carter Cash wasn't near that pretty!"

I would also recommend that you take a look at some of the special features – I flipped through all the character descriptions and other notes on the film before watching it, and I think that helped make my expectations for the movie a little more reasonable.  It also made me appreciate how awesome the overall vision of the film was that six facets of one character work exceptionally well together to project a seamless impression of how dynamic Bob Dylan's life has been.

If you:

  • Appreciate philosophic ramblings – even if they are a little out there
  • Like to find little links throughout movies/books/etc that tie the characters together in a clever way
  • Have been searching for an example of a movie that is not really linear, but isn't so jumbled that it  that leaving you asking "…WTF??" at the end. (um….Lost Highway)
  • Like a good soundtrack

Put it in the queue!

However, if you:

  • Don't believe that a consistent theme can be a substitute for a plot – or believe a good movie must have a clear plotline to tell a story.
  • Don't like harmonica
  • Aren't big on philosophy and/or poetry
  • Prefer your artsy films completely incomprehensible

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Hobo with a Shotgun and Thor

Thor
Thor

It is kind of hard to miss the media blitz for the latest Marvel film Thor, but just as entertaining, and maybe even more so, is the grindhouse inspired movie Hobo with a Shotgun. Both movies promise action packed sequences against the forces of evil, but only one of them has a hobo...with a shotgun. If hearing about these two films isn't enough for you, there is also a quick review of the new Fast 5, and an original theme song for...you guessed it...Hobo with a Shotgun. http://youtu.be/ssHEAOrAdCU

Hobo
Hobo

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Starring: Michael Cera, Kat Dennings Directed by: Peter Sollett

When I was a senior in high school – and the summer after graduating – I spent a lot of weekends going to see local bands play.  I'd spend the last hour of checking groceries at the North Park Schnucks watching the clock, quickly count down my cash drawer at 9:30, then run upstairs to change clothes and layer on a ton of eye makeup and lipstick.  A quick 15 minute drive got me to the venue (usually a loft above an appliance store on Franklin Street), and then I just hung out and listened to the bands until 11:30-ish, as I generally had a midnight curfew.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist seemed like it would be a cute movie – the 'accidental romance' schtick, some good music, a concert and comic relief via the drunk best friend who gets lost in the big bad city.

First, I must say that Michael Cera's agent deserves a swift kick in the shins – this kid seems to be getting typecast as a guy with shaggy hair and skinny jeans who is either 1.) in high school moping over girls or 2.) barely out of high school moping about girls.  It might have been more enjoyable if I'd seen the movie closer to the 2008 release date and not within a few months of watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World as I really felt like he was playing the exact same character.

Next, I think it is probably about time for me to stop trying to watch teen movies.  They were still ok about 10 years ago, but now I think I am too old.  At one point in the movie somebody is talking about it being 4am, and everyone is still driving around.  My immediate thought was "WTF, don't these kids have a curfew?!?!?"

Also, the music was not that good.  When the movie title has 'infinite playlist' in the title, I expect lots and lots of music.  Most of the music was in the background, and I only recognized two of the songs.  Again, maybe I'm getting old – but I wouldn't have to look very hard to find a better playlist.  In fact, I can think of several soundtracks – Singles, Dazed and Confused, Reality Bites, Mortal Kombat – that I would prefer to listen to versus this stuff.

I just expected more charming little 'I think I really like you' moments between Nick and Norah.  There were a few, but really it seemed like they spent more time arguing or running into their exes at various clubs than developing feelings for each other.

Despite all this, I did find a few elements to enjoy.  Kat Dennings good as Norah, and I went through the entire movie marveling over the awesome shade of lipstick she was wearing.  She seemed more like a high school student than Nick's manipulative ex-girlfriend Tris (Alexis Dziena) and had the right balance of vulnerable and fearless.  She seemed very down-to-earth despite a privileged background. Gum chewing party girl Caroline (Ari Graynor) was also pretty humorous if you didn't think about her character too seriously, as were Nick's bandmates Thom (Aaron Yoo) and Dev (Rafi Gavron).

The best part of the movie was in the special features.   The four-minute 'puppet show' version of the movie Kat Dennings created and narrates is hilarious.  I actually recommend that you watch this (or at least the first two minutes) instead – no queue needed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I97HHzlm4Q

Written by Jennifer Venson

The Atomic Cafe

Directed by: Jayne Loader, Kevin Rafferty, Pierce Rafferty Initially, The Atomic Café looks and sounds like an old film (not a video – an actual reel-to-reel film) your fifth-grade science teacher would trot out on a day s/he didn’t feel like actively teaching. Grainy, spotty images, quavery sound…narration that sounded like it had been read by a stuffy radio announcer trained in the pre-TV era.

And in truth, this 1982 documentary about the atomic bomb and its role in US war, propaganda peacekeeping in the 1940s and 50s should look old because pretty much all the footage comes from the archives. Interviews, military training films, other 'public information' films, if you will, patch together a fascinating story about how the atomic bomb and its consequences were 'sold' to the American public.

Early clips cover the first atomic bomb drop. According to interviews, the Enola Gay crew thought they were on a 'routine' mission and did not know exactly what they were carrying to unleash on the Hiroshima target until they were well on course. Then after dropping the bomb, some marveled at the sight. One soldier was filmed describing the thrill of the drop and explosion – 'pretty as a picture.'

It's very easy to watch this and clips of Americans dancing in the streets after the victory in Japan as with a damning eye. How dare these people act so flippantly about a bomb with such ridiculously destructive power? It's easy for us – citizens of a country juggling three foreign wars with minimal personal consequences – to condemn them. However, it's also easy to understand how excited people were for life to return to normal. Also, the next hour's worth of the documentary suggests most Americans probably had little to no idea exactly how destructive the atomic bomb was.

In fact, interviews captured in the documentary indicated Hiroshima was targeted primarily because it hadn't been bombed and scientists needed a better understanding of its effects in a 'real' environment. An additional test done at Bikini Atoll to study the impact of an atomic bomb explosion on animals and ships yielded some unexpected insights – at the expense of innocent bystanders. Shifting winds and a larger-than-expected blast radius treated a Japanese fishing boat crew to radiation poisoning and exposed native islanders already evacuated from the drop zone to radiation. News agencies reported no ill effects to the islanders, but footage shown in this documentary suggested otherwise.

Subsequent footage of the army sending eager young troops directly into an atomic blast zone – and telling them radiation is the least dangerous of the three main dangers of an atomic bomb (vs. the blast or heat) – convinced me this documentary was rightfully classified as a horror movie. Even worse was watching all the young troops scurry out of their foxholes and trot toward an awful tower of smoke, not knowing that the damage has probably already been done if they forgot to close their eyes or mouth during the blast and got a faceful of irradiated dirt. Army training films with horrendously wooden acting show characters waxing poetically about how an atomic blast is 'a wonderful sight to behold' made me feel ill.

In addition, heavy leveraging of the Cold War, Red Scare and the dangers of Communism were, presumably, also fed to the public. Propaganda films showed the Statue of Liberty exploding, a giant fist crushing symbols of democracy. Another program challenged potential naysayers of the 'domino effect,' illustrating through a daylong experiment in a small Wisconsin town, how easy it would be for communists to take over even in America. Notably, the Communist experiment was sponsored by two California malls featuring lots of free parking for those cars – things Americans have a lot of that Communists don't.

Finally, the power of fear and ignorance continues to provide interesting fare. Video of 'duck and cover' drills in case of nuclear attack are somewhat laughable – as are a demonstration of a children's lead-lined protective suit complete with head protection for the post-nuclear world. Also in an era where most houses don't have basements to protect really well from a tornado, much less a nuclear attack, it was interesting to see advertising and advice for the largely ineffective fallout shelters, such as: "Be sure to include tranquilizers to ease the strain and monotony of life in a fallout shelter. A bottle of 100 should be sufficient for a family of four. Tranquilizers are not a narcotic, and are not habit-forming."

Overall, this documentary reminds me of a Patton Oswalt routine where he's talking about how sometimes science is all about "could of" instead of "should have." One quote from the film mirror this, saying, 'science has outpaced what we can emotionally and intellectually handle.' I think this is a good thing to consider when watching the film – and to continually keep in mind as modern war keeps evolving.

If you:

· Like History Channel-style fare

· Like science

· Have a somewhat pessimistic/critical view of human nature, war and culture

Put it in the queue!

If you:

· Are overly sensitive about political correctness (i.e. will flip out over the use of 'Japs' and depiction of native islanders as simpleminded)

· Are still afraid that Communists will take over the world

· Don't understand that sometimes documentaries can be propaganda themselves

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Jackass 3

Starring: Johnny Knoxville Directed by: Jeff Tremaine

When I was in high school, the cutting edge in class projects was making a video.  Inevitably one in four students had parents with a clunky mid-1990s camera.  Every once in a while we had some humorous outtakes – a dog barks at the exact time two characters are shaking hands, somebody trips over a fallen branch while being chased through the forest by wiener dogs, Mac Duff turns into an alien and slays Macbeth and friends, somebody starts cracking up about the rubber rat and (also fake) disembodied foot just…sitting there in the frame while someone else it trying to do a serious newscast about the problems of trench foot and trench rats during WWI.

Basically, everything we thought was funny while filming wasn't remotely funny to anyone else.

Herein lies the beauty of Jackass.  It began on MTV as a series based on people who made videos of themselves doing stupid stunts that people found hilarious. Why in the world it is funny to see grown men snort wasabi up their nose (then promptly vomit), shoot bottle rockets out of their asses, give themselves paper cuts and devise myriad ways get hit in the nuts or fall off a skateboard/roller skates/bike/pretty much anything with wheels – I don't understand it.  But it makes me laugh. A lot.

I was initially hesitant about seeing Jackass 3 and waited until it was on video.  The TV show and first movie:  comedy gold.  Jackass Number Two was, literally, a turd.  It had too many snakes and too much gratuitous poop for me to really enjoy it.

Jackass 3 falls solidly between the two.  It doesn't quite recapture the ridiculous magic of Night Pandas, Hardware Store Crap or Golf Course Airhorns, but it does revisit quite a few classic gags (no pun intended…though there are more than a few gags from the cast, crew and potentially viewers).

The highlights:

  • Wee Bar Brawl – starring Jason "Wee Man" Acuña and others.  The reactions of the other bar patrons are absolutely classic.
  • Jet Stream.  Ever wanted to see how powerful of a wind storm a jet engine can kick up?  How far will it chuck a bag of flour, a tomato, a shoe? Will it be funny to see people get knocked over while trying to walk into the wind?  Of course.  This skit also prompts Johnny Knoxville to say, "That's the story of Jackass there! Pissing in the wind!"
  • Roller Buffalo – funnier more to see Johnny Knoxville dancing around on roller skates in a muddy buffalo pen while wearing a pink 1950s-style cardign emblazoned with the Jackass logo than the buffalo charge.
  • Bungee Boogie – More stupid ramp tricks, though the surfboard-on-a-skateboard stunt is pretty awesome.
  • Scooter Shopping – not quite as funny as some of the 'old man shenanigans' from prior skits, but pretty hilarious.  Crowd reactions are always the best part.

The lowlights:

  • Super Mighty Glue – involves ripping off chest/back/chin hair via a handful of super glue.  Kinda painful to watch.
  • Sweat Suit Cocktail – involved Steve-O drinking bodily fluids then vomiting profusely.  This one almost made me toss my cookies.
  • Lamborghini Tooth Pull – need I say more
  • Snake Pit - I hate snakes.  Probably not as much as Bam Margera or Indiana Jones, but I still have some trouble seeing a bunch of the legless reptiles wriggling around, ready for action.

If you:

  • Enjoy the ridiculous stunts the Jackass crew invents – or at least the crowd reactions when they do the stunts in public
  • Would enjoy America's Funniest Home Videos – with a naughty twist
  • Have ever secretly had a crush on Johnny Knoxville or any of his stupid buddies

Put it in the queue!

If you:

  • Strongly dislike seeing people eliminate bodily fluids (vomit, poo, urine, blood) on camera
  • Don't think people getting hit in the nuts is funny
  • Have never found Jackass even remotely humorous before

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

From Russia With Love

Satrring: Sean Connery, Daniela Bianchi Directed by: Terence Young

There's only one Bond – James Bond.  And the consummate James Bond is Sean Connery.

I've read more novels by Ian Fleming featuring the dashing 007 than I've seen films about this spy extraordinaire.  The books are wonderfully well-written and better than I ever expected.  I just never got into the movies all that much.

Recently my friend Enrique Guemez suggested I watch From Russia With Love as it he thought it followed the novel very closely and wanted to see what my thoughts were on the film.

After watching it, I agreed.  The movie opens on a chess tournament – no 007 in sight.  Instead, we meet the Russians.  Controlled and frosty as the Cold War itself, they conspire to trap James Bond by tapping into his weakness for women.  The movie nicely condenses several chapters into a quick conference with the key Russian players – Colonel Klebb (Lotta Lenya), the assassin 'Red' Grant (Robert Shaw) she hand-picks (and punches to test his mettle) as the man to kill James Bond,  then introduces us to the handsome Bond whiling away the morning with one of his many admirers.

More importantly, M (Bernard Lee) has just been told a woman working in the Russian intelligence office in Istanbul has fallen in love with Bond based on his file and desperately wants him to help her escape to England. The British secret service immediately suspects something is rotten in Denmark, but can't figure out the rub.

With a briefcase full of tricks (primarily hidden weapons), Bond travels to Turkey to rendezvous with this mysterious woman Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi).  While he waits for her to make herself known, he pals around with the jovial Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendáriz).  Bey, the longtime intelligence contact in Turkey, has many children to help him run his cover business as well as secretive activities, excellent Turkish cigarettes, a Rolls Royce, a Russian operative trying to kill him, and a periscope that was strategically installed to help him spy on the Russian intelligence office.

I honestly did not expect much of the adventures of Bond and Bey to make it into the movie – particularly the gypsy fight (which is a bit different from the book, but not much). However, they prove to be very action-packed and entertaining.

Bond's first meeting with Romanova has all the requisite sensuality and drama, as does their escape from Istanbul (and the Russians) on the Orient Express…then a 'borrowed' produce truck…then a speedboat.  Full of daring evasions, explosions, charm and the luck of the Bond, our hero, his cohorts and his lady deliver an exciting adventure until the very end, when a last-minute attempt to salvage this konspirastia almost succeeds.

As probably only the third Jame Bond movie I have seen in its entirely, From Russia With Love delivers. I also realized while watching this movie that James Bond is probably the reason action heroes feel they have to be ready with a one-liner.  He has several good one throughout the film, particularly after dispatching a pesky foe.

If you:

  • Like a good action flick
  • Love James Bond or have ever wanted to be a 'Bond girl'
  • Like reading a good book and then seeing an equally good movie version

Put it in the queue!

However, if you:

  • Want the Russians to win
  • Prefer Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Daniel Craig, George Lazenby, or Pierce Brosnan as James Bond

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Sucker Punch

Starring: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone Directed by: Zack Snyder

“YOU WILL BE UNPREPARED”

This is the tagline for Sucker Punch, and rarely has a tagline spoken the gospel truth like this one has. To be honest I really didn’t know what to prepare myself for when I decided to watch Sucker Punch. Sure the reviews weren’t very good for it, but sometimes I just make up my mind that I want to watch a movie, critics be damned. What I wasn’t prepared for while watching Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch was that everything was a contradiction. Yes, I was certainly unprepared.

The film starts off well enough. We are quickly introduced to “Baby Doll” as we see her mother dying. Soon after, the evil step-father comes into the picture, apparently quite upset that only Baby Doll and her little sister were listed in the will. Evil step-father takes out his aggression with some unwanted sexual advances towards Baby Doll and then little sister. Baby Doll fights back, accidentally kills her little sister instead, and is sent to an insane asylum full of attractive girls where evil step-father has paid off an orderly to make sure to make sure that Baby Doll gets a lobotomy. All this happens during the opening credits. The rest of the film exists primarily in a fantasy word that Baby Doll has conjured up as a way to deal with her current hardships.

So let’s talk about those contradictions now. First, if you have seen any of the posters for this film, you know that it was designed with young men in mind. The film has been filled to the brim with nubile young girls who manage to wear next to nothing for the entire length of the film. Yet somehow Snyder has made Sucker Punch a very unsexy movie. Maybe this is because each one of the girls is a generic representation of a 12 year old’s wet dream. Perhaps the eye can’t focus on their beauty because it is too distracted by the blemish that is the entirely computer generated world that Snyder vomited onto the screen. Tough to say.

Next up we need to talk about the length of the film.  Most sites I looked at listed this movie at being between 110-120 minutes.  This is also incorrect…kind of. The movie is only about 45 minutes long, but managed to reach the two hour mark by adding obscene amounts of slow motion shots. Big gun battles in slow motion, that’s cool. Sword fights in slow motion, that’s not too bad. Walking around in slow motion…err…okay. Water moving towards a drain on the floor in slow motion?! You have got to be fucking kidding! I think the credits rolling were the fastest thing to happen in this movie.

Finally, I want to talk about the main component of this film, the reason that I decided to spit in the face of countless critics and give Sucker Punch a chance, the action. I like mindless action movies, and this movie seemed to fit that bill quite nicely. Sucker Punch has German zombie robots hell bent on destruction, dragons fighting a WWII bomber plane, a sword fight between a girl and three giant samurai statues, alien robots riding a runaway train with a bomb on it, and a prison break. In spite of all that Sucker Punch was soooo boring. The action becomes tedious and lazily tries to move the story along.  The constant sound of everything exploding became a white noise that was almost lulling me to sleep.

I don’t know how things went as wrong as they did while Sucker Punch was being made. I still believe that Zack Snyder can make a good movie, but you wouldn’t know by watching this one. It makes me nervous about giving him the reigns to the next Superman movie, but I will remain hopefully optimistic. Maybe I should be grateful that I had a pass to see this movie, but that brings me to my final contradiction; while I did manage to see this movie for free…my god did I pay.

Written by Drew Martin

Black Death and Source Code

This week reviews of director Christopher Smith's new film "Black Death," which isn't nearly as cheery as the name implies, as well as director Duncan Jones new outing, "Source Code."  I believe Jones is related to some moderately famous 70s musician.  Can't remember who for sure, but if I had to put my money on it I would guess Captain Beefheart.

beefy
beefy

Your Highness

Starring: Danny McBride, Natalie Portman, James Franco Directed by: David Gordon Green

It is rare for me to go to the movie theater.  It is even less likely that I go to see a mainstream movie rather than an indie or foreign film at the Mariemont or Esquire theaters.  It is exceptionally rare that the movie is so bad I feel that I have wasted several hours of my life. Before Saturday, the last film I felt this way about was The Chronicles of Riddick (2004).  Now I feel that way about Your Highness.

When I first saw trailers for Your Highness, it sort of reminded me of Robin Hood:  Men in Tights.   Medieval silliness, bawdy humor, bows and arrows.  I haven't been a fan of too many recent comedies as most of them substitute thoroughly ridiculous plot elements and dick & fart jokes for a decent script.  However, I had been pleasantly surprised by one other film directed by David Gordon Green – The Pineapple Express.  I thought at parts of that movie were pretty clever (especially the process serving via costumes shtick in the beginning), and it made me laugh.

I think I laughed ONCE during Your Highness.  The whole premise is that Prince Thadeous (Danny McBride) is a royal screwup.  He can't complete even a simple diplomatic or heroic quest and pretty much spends his time loafing about the palace or smoking bowls.  His brother, Prince Fabious (James Franco) is the golden boy – returning from many a successful quest slaying monsters, rescuing fair maidens…the usual fare.

In fact, Fabious returns from his most recent quest with the beautiful Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), who had been imprisoned in a tower by the evil magician Leezar (Justin Theroux).  Fabious intends to marry her and insists Thadeous stand by him as his best man.  This incenses his questing buddies, who feel they deserve to stand up with Fabious more than his sluggard brother.  Regardless, the wedding never happens as Leezar magically snatches back Belladonna as she is needed for a prophecy he intends to fulfill.

Fabious immediately goes into questing mode to rescue her; their king and father insists Thadeous go as well as his last chance at doing something honorable for the family.   Grudgingly, he and his page Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker) load themselves into a carriage for the journey.  Thought Thadeous intends to spend the whole quest in a drug-addled haze, things do not go as he expects.

First, they must get a prophecy from a purple, perverted, pot-smoking puppet wizard who gives them a magical compass and tells them they have to get a sword make of a unicorn's horn to kill Leezar.  Then things go downhill.  After losing the other knights, their carriages and horses, the brothers are captured by an army of scantily-clad women and thrown into a gladiatorial arena for the entertainment of the diaper-clad Marteetee (John Fricker).

After the mysterious Isabel (Natalie Portman) – also on a quest – saves their hides, they resume traveling with only a few days before the prophecy-fulfilling event.  (Leezar calls the prophecy night "The Fuckening" as he must impregnate Belladonna during the eclipse of the two moons so she can bear him a ferocious dragon.)  Fabious runs into some trouble, and it is up to Thadeous to find the sword and save the day.

By the end of the movie I was pretty much begging for a fart joke.  The pot and dick jokes got old about an hour and a half before Thadeous began wearing a minotaur's severed phallus around his neck on a string as a trophy.  The best part of the movie was the bag of Raisinettes I bought at the concession stand and the trailer for the X-Men prequel.

I do not recommend that anyone waste any money or time on this sorry excuse for a film, either at the theater or in the queue.  They just don't make 'em like they used to.

(If you are also yearning for a good quest-related fart joke, here you go.  When I was a kid, I used to play the King's Quest games with my best friend on ye olde 1980s PC.  In KQ III, you controlled the game actions by typing in commands.  Being about 10 years old at the time, we thought it was freaking hilarious to type in "fart" as a command.  The game's response was, "You are a naughty little wizard."  I miss games like that…)

Written by Jennifer Venson

How to Train Your Dragon

Starring: Jay Baruchel Directed by: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders

Put your stereotype hat on and describe a Viking.  You're probably thinking big, hairy, strong, wears a helmet with horns, lived in cold northern countries in Europe (or in Minnesota) and probably swings a big axe.

In the movie How to Train Your Dragon, Hiccup (voiced by Jay Baruchel) is a young, skinny Viking who does not seem fierce in the least.  When his village is attacked by livestock-stealing, fire-breathing dragons (which happens on a regular basis), Hiccup has to help sharpen weapons rather than join the fight.  He tries to compensate for his lack of stature with weapon-tossing contraptions, but he has a reputation for bumbling into more chaos rather than taking down a dragon.

And he wants more than anything to prove himself with a dragon kill, just like everyone else.  It's what Vikings in his village do – especially his father, Stoick the Vast.

Though Hiccup is fairly certain his bola-throwing machine downed one of the mysterious Night Fury dragons ("You can't see them…but they never miss!") during a battle, no one else saw the hit…or find the fallen dragon.  All they saw was Hiccup getting in the way during the fight.

Hiccup knows his father considers his total lack of fierceness – physically and mentally – a disappointment.  So he is shocked to learn his father is sending him to training classes with the other teenagers (including the beautiful yet fierce Astrid, voiced by America Ferrera) to learn how to kill dragons.

Of course, the other kids want nothing to do with him.  Which reminds me of the intro to the "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" video by My Chemical Romance:

"You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet.  You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate.  Face it, you're never going to make it!"

However, Hiccup is still convinced there's a dead or injured Night Fury in the woods somewhere – which would give him tremendous credibility in the tribe.  He finds it…but cannot bring himself to kill it.  He helps the Night Fury escapes, but it ends up trapped in a secluded valley.  Fascinated by the beast, Hiccup begins to learn about the creature's habits and devises a way to help "Toothless" fly again.

Hiccup also realizes from his training that Vikings do not know as much about dragons as they think they do – the one 'fact' applying to all of them is – EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, KILL ON SIGHT.

Can Hiccup change the way this extremely stubborn Viking tribe thinks?  Can he get through dragon killing training without actually killing a dragon?  Will his father ever be proud of him?  Will he win Astrid's heart?  (Duh, of course!  This is a kids' movie.)

Not only does the movie have all the excellent visual trappings expect of an animated feature, I thought the overall situations and themes were excellent.  Honestly,  I liked this movie better than Toy Story 3 and would find a way to teach with this movie if I were still in the classroom.

This movie was highly recommended to me by my good friend Peggy Parker, and I highly recommend it to you.

If you:

  • Have ever felt different/alone/rejected/like you just didn't fit in
  • Have ever proved the people who doubted you wrong
  • Have ever had a pet and know how rewarding it can be

Put it in the queue!

However, if you

  • Have ever felt superior to 'weaklings' and are convinced brawn is better than brains
  • Are ok with believing the conventional 'wisdom' and have never stopped to question if what we 'know' is based on experience or speculation

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Major League

Starring: Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, Rene Russo Directed by: David S. Ward

Baseball season has finally arrived!  The Reds kicked off their 2011 season by winning with a bottom-of-the 9th victory over the Brew Crew.

Speaking of other things that are associated with baseball, winning and the Brewers…your opening day movie review is Major League.  We have a film centered around a baseball team, a double dose of winning with Charlie Sheen as a pitcher who helps the team have an awesome season, and Brewers announcer Bob Uecker as the play-by-play announcer for a the miserable Cleveland Indians.

This gem from 1989 introduces the viewer to an Indians team on a 30+ year streak of pennant-less seasons.  When the team’s owner dies and leaves the team to his young ex-showgirl wife, she takes over with relish.  However, what she’s relishing is a clause in the ownership contract that allows her to move the team if attendance falls below a certain level.  So she does her best to invite pretty much only the ‘has beens and never wills’ to Spring Training.

A jumble of minor-leaguers, longshot rookies, a crusty coach, a prima donna contract player and an eccentric slugger make up the team.  Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger) is a catcher with questionable knees who is trying to make the most of what could be his last shot at the majors and at proving to his ex-girlfriend Lynn (Rene Russo) that he can act like an adult.  Their storyline is pretty much the only serious element in the film.

To carry the baseball metaphor further, humor in Major League is mostly ‘small ball’ – lots of little laughs, few fall-out-of-your-seat zingers.  Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) starts the movie in prison and throws the baseball hard, but not well.  His lack of accuracy is kind of funny, as is his temper tantrum after getting ejected from a game.  However, Carlos Zambrano makes him look like an amateur.  What’s really funny – Charlie Sheen wearing Rec Specs.   Just the accessory every warrior assassin should have, right?

The eccentric Cuban and Voodoo follower Pedro Serrano (Dennis Haysbert, aka the Allstate guy) crushes fastball pitches but has trouble hitting anything else.  His elaborate shrine with offerings (rum, cigars, fried chicken), rituals to ward off getting cut from the team and chants to make his bat less afraid of curveballs are pretty funny. If I recall correctly, the absurdity of his rituals get even funnier in Major League II

Wesley Snipes is the uninvited spring training crasher Willie Mays Hayes.  Though he’s fast, has tremendous base stealing potential and does a really humorous 80s-style dance after making them team, he really can’t hit well at first – which crusty coach Lou Brown (James Gammon) attempts to fix by having Hayes do 20 pushups every time he hits the ball anywhere but to the ground. He’s not the only one that has trouble with the game; in the first few outings their fielding is also in very sad shape.

The Indians radio announcer, Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker), does his play-by-play with the help of Jack Daniel and sometimes fakes crowd noise to make it seem like there are people at the games.

A few running gags with Cleveland citizens, the grounds crew and a die-hard contingent of drum-beating fans also provide the laughs.  (Also funny because there is actually some person who goes to a Cleveland Indians games and bangs a drum…at least he was there when I went to an Indians game at Progressive Field).

All in all a very enjoyable film if you:

  • Really need a baseball fix, regardless of the season
  • Get a kick out of goofy play-by-play-->whether it’s “He needs a hit like I need a ham sandwich and a cold one” or “He’s going to hit it right down broadway, and then I need two orders of funnel fries – some for night, and some for midnight.”
  • Are even a little bit obsessed with Charlie Sheen.

so put it in the queue!

However, if you:

  • Prefer the ridiculous and over-the-top modern approach to comedies
  • Don’t like baseball
  • Don’t have tiger blood

Don’t put it in the queue.

(Though Ryan assures me the Indians were good in the recent past, my perception of them will probably always be going to a game in Cleveland 2008, seeing Cliff Lee pitch extremely well (duh), then watching the relief pitching give up a lot of runs as the fans gave a collective groan of disgust and left the game early).

Written by Jennifer Venson

The Square

Starring: David Roberts, Claire van der Boom Directed by: Nash Edgerton

“The Square” is one of those movies where somebody gets an idea.  An unscrupulous idea.  In this case, Carla finds a sack of money her boyfriend, “Smithy” has been hiding from her and, subsequently, decides she would like to steal it.  In order to pull off said unscrupulous idea she needs a little help.  So she asks somebody she has a pretty good feeling will go along with the idea.  Ray, the man she is having an affair with.

Apprehensive at first, Ray eventually warms to the idea.  Afraid Smithy might become a bit suspicious of who stole the money if it simply disappears from the attic, the two hatch a plan to cover their tracks.  The plan involves kick-backs Ray has been taking illegally from his construction contract and a bit of arson.  What plan is complete without a little bit of arson?

“The Square” is reminiscent of “A Simple Plan” or any number of Coen Brothers’ films.  The plan doesn’t really seem too terribly complicated but one thing goes wrong immediately and everything promptly spirals out of control beyond reason.  There are misunderstandings between Ray, Carla and the hired arsonist.  There are attempted cover-ups, and cover-ups of cover-ups and, just for good measure, even a little bit of blackmail.

One particularly unusual aspect of “The Square” is its lack of detailed explanation.  “Smithy” appears to be some sort small town thug, but what, exactly, he does or where the money came from remains a mystery throughout the film.  Ray is married and there are a couple scenes indicating his wife might have an inclination her husband is cheating on her, but it is never explored.  Ray hires an arsonist, but how he finds an arsonist isn’t very clear.

This doesn’t take away from the film, however.  Too often films get bogged down with unnecessary details.  We don’t really need to know these elements.  This allows us to stay focused on the major players at hand in what is a pretty convoluted plot in the first place.  If you are looking for nice and tidy, this isn’t the film.  Even the end purposefully leaves unanswered questions.

The film, written by Joel Edgerton and directed by his brother, Nash, a former stuntman, is dark, edgy, tense, and well acted.  It hits every point as it should when it should.  It’s a surprisingly well made debut, heavily recommended if you are a fan of crime noir or thrillers.

One last thing.  Although it is never specifically addressed, the entire movie seems to take place in a small town in Australia and the accents in the film are fairly thick.  This could , conceivably, explain some of the missing details.  While you won’t miss any of the major plot points, I feel as though if I were going to watch the film again, subtitles might be of some help.

Written by Ryan Venson

Firefly and Serenity

Starring: Nathan Fillion Directed/Conceived by: Joss Whedon

I tend to like the works of Joss Whedon. I’ve seen all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’ve watched two and a half seasons of Angel.   Unfortunately, I also watched two episodes of Dollhouse...not his best stuff. I saw Serenity at the movies years ago, knowing it was based on a TV show but never having seen a single episode of Firefly.

I really missed out.  Fortunately, that was easily corrected.  Firefly is not only on Netflix, but you can also generally purchase the complete series for under 20 bucks.

Firefly exists in the world of science fiction – spaceships, laser guns, cities on far-flung planets – but acts like the wild, wild west.   The cast is very diverse: Captain Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion, currently better known as the title character from Castle) and his crew wander around the galaxy taking on random smuggling jobs and doing their best to avoid The Alliance government.  Mal and his first officer Zoe (Gina Torres) fought against The Alliance during the rebellion; Zoe’s husband Wash (Alan Tudyk) is the ship’s pilot.   To increase their income during a shortage of smuggling jobs, they take on some passengers.  In addition to the roving religious man Shepherd Book (Ron Glass), they also take on Dr. Simon Tam (Sean Maher) – who secretly brings aboard his sister River (Summer Glau).  Once a child prodigy, she became the subject of mysterious government tests that leave her with troubling nightmares, erratic behavior and some unexpected skills.  Of course, both are now fugitives from The Alliance.

Mal is like a *slightly* more gregarious version of Han Solo – focused and practical, somewhat mercenary, but still with a personal code of honor and a quick wit. He does his best to keep the crew – particularly Jayne (Adam Baldwin) – in check and Serenity in the sky.  He’s a captain that will go down with the ship if needed, defend a woman’s honor and turn down a job (or at least return the goods) that steals from the poor to benefit the rich.

Every character brings a unique skill or past that comes in handy – such as Jayne’s status as a folk hero on one world and the ability of Inara, renter of one  of the ship's shuttles and ‘paid companion’ (i.e. highly trained consort, played by Morena Baccarin) to bring an element of class and gain access to higher levels of society than most of the crew can.

My favorite episodes include:

  • “Shindig” –  In which the ship’s mechanic Kaylee (Jewel Staite) gets a chance to attend a ball in a fancy dress, is ridiculed by several bitchy aristocrats, and wins the attention of many men with her vast knowledge of spaceships and their engines.  Inara also receives an interesting proposition from a repeat client, and Mal inadvertently challenges a man to a duel (with swords) by punching him during an argument.
  • “Out of Gas” –  After an explosion disables key systems in Serenity, Mal sends the others off the ship while he fixes it and reminisces  about how he purchased the ship and assembled his crew.  This one is a rare example of a well-done ‘flashbacks’ episode (though, none of the flashbacks are made of clips from past episodes).
  • “Heart of Gold” – A friend of Inara’s requests help after a powerful local leader threatens one of her employees.  Similar to her recurring role as Lady Heather on CSI: Las Vegas, Melinda Clarke plays the tough, smart and sensual brothel owner (former companion) Nandi.

As Firefly met with an untimely cancellation, the storyline was carried on a little further in the 2005 movie Serenity.  After re-capping Simon’s rescue of River, the storyline picks up pretty much where the last episode of Firefly left off – same characters and all.  It’s not necessary to watch Firefly to understand or enjoy the movie, but the movie does close a lot of loops the series left open (but not all of them).

Serenity centers on River’s growing instability and decisions the crew is forced to make because of it.  The movie uncovers new powers or hers and the equally sharp dangers and benefits they can yield.  Understanding her swings between psychic clarity and apparent madness takes the crew into dangerous territory – with a government assassin on their tail –  and provides even more reasons to never trust The Alliance or move to an experimental community on the edge of the galaxy.

If you:

  • Can’t get enough of the Mutant Enemy mascot (grrr….arrr)
  • Like sci-fi and westerns
  • Like shows with multi-dimensional characters and shiny dialogue
  • Have ever wanted to roam free in the galaxy

Put them in the queue!

If you:

  • Will be disappointed by the lack of aliens (what, you were expecting the Mos Eisley Cantina?)
  • Don’t believe we will ever be zipping around the galaxy in spaceships in the future
  • Are expecting a cameo from Angel, Buffy or Spike

Don’t put them in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Boondock Saints I & II

Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus, Willem Dafoe Directed by: Troy Duffy

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to ya!  Did you go to church this morning?  Or maybe just to the bar to kick back a few pints?

If you haven’t started celebrating yet, I suggest you celebrate by watching Boondock Saints.  There’s nothing like some vengeance wrought by a pair of Irish-American brothers in Boston to help you honor the patron saint of Ireland.

Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) MacManus are two churchgoing, sunglasses-wearing, constantly smoking brothers who also appear to be fun loving and somewhat immature, based on early scenes.    Some unfortunate repercussions from a fight at their favorite bar introduce them to the opera-listening, flaming and brilliant FBI agent Smecker (Willem Dafoe).

Their manic friend Rocco (David Della Rocco) is a part of the Italian mob, and together they go on an entertaining quest to rid the city of undesirable elements.    Great combinations of sheer luck, skill and exaggerated violence help the boys make progress toward their goal , all the while confounding the local police – who are constantly sent to go get coffee and/or bagels for Smecker as a punishment for cluelessness.

If you:

  • Prefer a more serious/dramatic vigilante film
  • Are unwilling to suspend your disbelief
  • Are disturbed by ridiculous violence
  • Don’t appreciate the beauty of prayer/ritual (especially in Latin)

Don’t put it in the queue.

If you:

  • Like CSI-styles shows where the cops have to figure out a homicide that has been carried out in an unusual manner
  • Like action films with a little gratuitous violence
  • Love the versatility of Willem Dafoe (in my opinion, he MAKES this movie excellent)
  • Hunger for Veritas and Aequitas
  • Like a cute Irish accent
  • Don’t expect a serious drama

Put it in the queue!

Then I watched Boondock Saints II:  All Saints Day.   I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this movie.  Aside from some of the confrontation scenes – the last shootout in particular – this movie was a waste of time.  Here are all the reasons I do not recommend putting this in the queue at all:

  • They tried too hard to make it have a plot.  And the plot is pretty terrible.
  • Their new ‘sidekick’ is kind of annoying.  Rocco was too, but in a different, more tolerable way.
  • The humor just isn’t there.  It seemed like if there was any lapse in dialogue, they just filled it with a gay joke or an f-bomb.  Not funny.
  • The cops aren’t humorously incompetent, they are painfully incompetent and falling all over themselves for FBI special agent Eunice Bloom (Julie Benz – who I find über annoying), who replaced Smecker.
  • It is too long – nearly two hours.  It probably would have been half an hour shorter if they hadn’t felt the need to include a boatload of flashbacks from the first film.
  • The ending includes a cheesy and blatantly obvious eye toward a third installation.  Blasphemous…

I almost recommended it for those who were really interested in the back story for Il Duce.  But really, it’s just a couple more flashbacks that aren’t all that enlightening.

Skip this one and go have a couple more green beers instead.  A hangover is more pleasant than this sequel.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Dead End

Starring: Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Mick Cain, Alexandra Holden Directed by: Jean-Baptiste Andrea, Fabrice Canepa

Not too long ago I watched a movie titled “The House of the Devil.”  It was slow and dull, but critically adored.  I believe Drew lauded it as a film never to watch during out month long extravaganza of horror reviews in October.  If one compliment can be made about the film, it would be that it was painstakingly filmed to reflect the horror film genre of the early to mid-80s.

When I sat down to watch “Dead End” I had no expectations for it to take a similar route.  However, as the movie opened in a station wagon with hilarious, intentionally cheesy dialogue (“It’s the same damn thing every year.  Where are my shoes, or I can’t find my Marilyn Bronson CD,” “Uh, Marilyn Manson,” “Well, whatever her name is.”) followed by a fine metal riff to bridge the 30 second intro and the credits, I knew I was in for a treat.

Unlike “The House of the Devil,” the film is not necessarily set in the 80s, but it borrows the same tried and true formula from the genre.  A family of four - father, mother, son, and daughter, with daughter’s boyfriend along as well for good measure, are going to visit grandma on Christmas along a creepy, deserted road.  It isn’t the usual route, but this year dad has decided to take an alternate route to keep things fresh and interesting.

It’s not long before it is obvious they are lost.  The parents bicker, the daughter tries to decide how to tell the boyfriend they’re through, and the youngest, pot-smoking son provides comedy relief.

Along the way they see a woman on the side of the road carrying a baby and agree to take her to a nearby cabin to try and call the police.  Can’t be a good idea.  As the evening starts to spiral in to mysterious disappearances and gruesome deaths, not to mention a black, menacing hearse, the theories begin to swarm.  Ghosts?  Hallucinations?  Aliens?

The movie is fueled by the script, keeping the gore level low.  The casting is spot on and this, in particular, really helps pull the production together.  A majority of the film is spent inside the station wagon as the family starts to panic, and the entire show is filmed on one seemingly never ending road.  I’m always amazed when a film can take one extremely basic locale and make it intriguing for 90 minutes.  I’m not saying this film is “127 Hours” or “Buried, “ but for a low-budget niche horror picture, the dialogue and script are at times quite clever.  It is very successful at ratcheting up the suspense and includes a healthy dose of black comedy.

When the conclusion of the film is finally revealed, it feels almost a bit too tidy and reliable.  But in this way it also feels exactly like the genre it is giving a sly wink to all along, especially in the epilogue.

Even though the outline is familiar, I believe anyone interested in the horror genre would enjoy “Dead End.”  It is engrossing and original enough to interest moderate genre fans, and nostalgic enough for long time fans of horror tired of the current paint-by-the-number schlock being mass produced for theatres today.

Written by Ryan Venson

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

Starring: Ben Whishaw, Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman Directed by: Tom Tykwer

Genius.  Talent.  Is it a blessing or a curse?  Perhaps that depends on the type of innate gift one has.  In Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw) is born with an extraordinary sense of smell that brings him as much misfortune as it does pleasure.

Literally moments after he arrives in the world, his keen nose saves one life and leads to the end of another.  His intense fixation on exploring scents makes him somewhat of an outsider in the orphanage where he grows up; he sniffs everything (including sticks and a dead rat) and whiles away his free time parsing out the aromas of the dirt, rocks, water bubbling in a nearby brook, wet rocks…you get the idea.

Circumstances eventually take him to the olfactory smorgasbord of the Paris marketplace.  One new scent in particular bedevils him – that of a beautiful young redhead (Karoline Herfurth) wending her way through the streets selling golden plums.  His limited social skills make his desire to indulge in her scent a bit creepy – he follows her, sneaking up behind her to sniff her hair and skin.  Their interaction ends badly and leaves Jean-Baptiste with a new haunting obsession – how to preserve a woman's scent after life slips away from her body.

His keen nose earns him an apprenticeship with a struggling perfumier Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman), who teaches him the art of distilling fragrances and the craft of creating fine perfume.  This method does not suit Jean-Baptiste's needs, so he travels to Grasse, Italy to learn other ways of preserving scent.  There, he experiments with new methods until he finally discovers one that delivers the essences he desires.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer is a strange movie, but definitely worth the weird.  If you like:

  • A bit of the bizarre
  • A tale told well (the movie is based on the novel Das Parfum by Patrick Süskin and is narrated in some parts)
  • A light thriller – suspenseful, but not in a heavy-handed way; somewhat predictable yet still with surprises

Put it in the queue!

If you don't like:

  • Depictions of noisy, crowded, filthy 18th century Paris
  • Aberrant behavior involving nudity, violence, sexuality, and disturbing images (all of which contribute to the film's R rating)
  • 'Discreet' murder (i.e. not messy, noisy, scary etc.) in your movies

Don't put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Academy Awards -- The After Party!

83rd Annual Academy Awards - Press Room
83rd Annual Academy Awards - Press Room

Drew and I fall in to a deep depression after Fincher and the Social Network go down hard in the face of an "Academy" film.  Whatever the hell that means.  Seriously, Tom Hooper?  That guy directed Texas Chainsaw Massacre!  Wait a second.....maybe that was Tobe Hooper.  Eh, whatever.  Also we try and decipher just how high James Franco was.  Probably really high.

Night of the Comet

Global warming, increased occurrences of earthquakes, tsunamis, large numbers of birds randomly dropping dead mid-flight and falling out of the sky.  These all might be signs of the end of the world as we know it.  Zombie invasions always prove to be an interesting topic of apocalyptic speculation. Threats from outer space haven’t really been at the top of the list in terms of potential sources of doom lately though.   Enter Night of the Comet. This fine specimen from 1984 opens with the global population eagerly awaiting a meteor sighting with behavior akin to New Year’s Eve – crowds in Times Square, raucous parties, TVs tuned to live broadcasts to capture reactions from regions where the comet has already passed.

Reg (Catherine Mary Stewart) forgoes watching the comet live to spend the night with her co-worker Larry (Michael Bowen) in the windowless steel projection booth at the movie theater.  Though she won’t be able to see the glorious cosmic event or help shield her younger sister from their awful stepmother, ‘making it’ and avoiding being home during the stepmother’s comet party is a sufficient trade-off.

However, Reg emerges to a very different world.  Red dust and clothes litter the streets.  Larry leaves the theater, only to disappear.  Zombie-like creatures emerge from time to time.  Reg races home to find her sister Samantha (Kelli Maroney) dressed for cheerleading practice and trying unsuccessfully to get some of her friends to answer the phone.

It seems at first they are the only survivors, but then they encounter the handsome truck driver Hector (Robert Beltran).  The movie also departs from the main arc to reveal that a group of scientists have also tried to avoid the comet in an underground lair.  Will the scientists help the survivors navigate this post-comet world, or do they have a sinister agenda of their own?

Ryan thought the movie started off a little slow, but I enjoyed it far more than I expected.  If you:

  • Are intrigued by the idea of and having free reign to play with all the ‘toys’ you never could afford before (such as the furs/shoes/jewelry/makeup the girls try on at the local mall).
  • Would not mind a meteor or other natural disaster taking out the majority of the population.
  • Like a light dose of zombies in your sci-fi movies.

Put it in the queue!

However, if you

  • Prefer lots of action or exciting monsters in your nearly-deserted world (i.e.  I Am Legend).
  • Aren’t a fan of cheesy and/or low-budget 80s sci-fi

Don’t put it in the queue.

Written by Jennifer Venson