The Informant!

Starring:  Matt Damon, Scott Bakula Directed by: Steven Soderbergh

I began watching The Informant! with the wrong impressions.  I thought it was mostly comedy, with a goofy corporate drone spilling the beans on illegal activities perpetrated by his employer and getting a kick out of playing secret agent man.

That's sort of what plays out in the movie, but it only scratches the surface.  It's like a half-truth, told to get you to pick up the bait…er film.  The whole thing is based on a true story – though once again, once the plot starts to unravel, you could probably say the movie is based on a pack of lies.

Mark Whitacre (played exceptionally well by Matt Damon) seems to be the accidental businessman.  He wears crazy ties to work, his mind always seems to be wandering (to a tie sale at Bachrach during an important meeting, for example) or pondering some tangent. He mentions at some point that he was a biochemist and pretty much fell into management as a way to advance. He eats dinner at home with his three kids and his wholesome, upper class June Cleaver-esque wife Ginger (Melanie Lynskey).

When the FBI get involved in a possible extortion situation with an international contact (Whitacre is the 'messenger' as the extorted called him), Whitacre takes the opportunity to confide to Agent Shepard (Scott Bakula) that the company has been engaging in price fixing.  He's gone along with it to keep his job, but is an unwilling party.

After some  waffling about whether or not he really wants to participate (he tells the agents several times there's been no more price fixing, then admits it's still happening and he's ready to cooperate with them), Whitacre zealously accepts his role.

At several points in the movie, the naïve relish with which Whitacre believes he is the 'guy in the white hat' makes you pause and wonder how this guy with a PhD can be so stupid to think that after the dust clears from the price fixing case that he will still be an invaluable employee – perhaps even in line to be company president when the other top executives have been fired/jailed.

Price fixing is just the first layer though.  There is other funny business afoot, brought to light by the investigation.  And there the movie takes a completely different turn. Immediately after I watched The Informant! I did not like it.  Now it's had a little time to sink in, I believe it was ok. It does plot twist and reveal MUCH better than any of the trendy psychological thrillers (I'm looking at you, Black Swan).

If you don't like:

• Corporate America
• the Government
• not having a clear distinction between the 'good guys' and the 'bad guys'

Take this movie out of the queue.

If you like:

• Tales of greed and deceptions lighter than Wall Street but not as funny as Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
• seeing a garage full of European autos
• movies where you're not sure what's really happening/true/etc.

Put it in the queue!

Written by Jennifer Venson

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Starring:  Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell Directed by:  Andrew Dominik

I commonly listen to music scores via Pandora radio while I analyze or QC data at work.  (Vangelis, John Williams, Danny Elfman and Ennio Morricone stations are favorites of mine).  On one of these stations I first heard some absolutely beautiful, melodic and slightly sad themes from the score of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.  I had mentioned wanting to see this movie to Ryan, and his first comment was, "It's a long movie and I heard it's slow.  You won't like it."

Despite this, I was still interested. The film remained in our queue until it climbed to the top.  And then it sat around on the TV cabinet for about a month while we debated having enough time to sit down and watch it.  I really wish we had watched the movie earlier, as it is a good investment of 155 or so minutes.

First, I must disagree with the idea that it is a slow film.  True, there is only one action-packed train robbery sequence. Moments of comedy?  Not so much.  But it's a far cry from films where nothing actually happens.  Instead, it very deliberately moves toward the consummation identified in the title.

Perhaps it is because I already – in essence – knew what was supposed to happen, it made the pacing OK.  Like waiting for Christmas.  But I don't believe that's really it. All the scenes had some sort of meaning in the grand scheme of events.  Kind of like the mechanisms within a Rube Goldberg machine or dusty artifacts that shed light on a civilization's collapse.

The movie is totally character driven – their perceptions, conversations, motivations, fears, dreams and delusions are brought to life in an engaging enough way to make typical movie action unnecessary.   Jesse James (depicted with excellence by Brad Pitt) is so much more than a robber bandit – he is a driven, complex, and perhaps not completely sane man.  Robert Ford (played exceptionally well by Casey Affleck) grows in maturity throughout the movie, completely correct in his belief that his destiny is somehow tied to his childhood idol Jesse James.

If you prefer:

• action to contemplation
• cars to horseback
• the strong, silent hero to an awkward, outburst-y anti-hero

Don't add this to the queue.

If you like:

• Brad Pitt playing mentally unstable characters (a la 12 Monkeys, Fight Club)
• movies with a  historic flavor
• breathtaking landscapes

Put it in the queue!

Written by Jennifer Venson

Tron Legacy/Centurion

tron

Two films with a strangely similar stories to tell. Sure, one takes place in ye oldy times, while one exits inside a computer, but watch them both and you will see that it is true. Ryan watches a classic for the first time, I'll give you a hint...it isn't Garbage Pale Kids: The Movie...maybe next time. Also, how many trailers is the right amount before a movie? I can't be sure, but I think there were 83 trailers before Tron Legacy, and half of those were movies where Martin Lawrence was wearing a fat-suit. I may have to stop going to that theater. Anyway...enjoy the show.

This is Spinal Tap

Starring: Michael McKean, Christopher Guest Directed by: Rob Reiner

Most of the best rock shows I have seen over the years involved some element of theatrics. Iron Maiden, seen at Ozzfest in 2005 (where they headlined because Ozzy was unable to play that day), certainly tops the list with multiple backdrop changes, a giant animatronic goat-man rising up out of the set and the Eddie mascot staggering across the stage.

Though I love rock concerts, I've never been much for recordings of live shows. You're either there, or you aren't. The only concert-based film I ever bought was a used VHS copy of Led Zeppelin's The Song Remains the Same. Even when I bought CDs that had special concert footage features, I never watched them.

Perhaps that explains why I'd never seen This Is Spın̈al Tap. But probably it's because if you are familiar with the 'mythology' of rock culture and know what an amplifier looks like, you don't need to watch the movie to get the jokes.

That said, this movie is a very enjoyable nugget of pop culture and I'm a little sad I waited so long to see it. In addition to little digs at the history of rock such as silly-sweet 50s rock, fluffy folk rock of the 60s and the leather and glitter-encrusted glam metal era, tons of fun cameos are sprinkled throughout the film (like Ed Begley, Jr. as the band's first drummer and Billy Crystal as a mime).

If:

· you take your heavy metal band very seriously

· you've never been – or have no desire to go – to a rock show

· you are still angry with Yoko Ono for breaking up The Beatles

· heavy innuendo makes you uncomfortable

Don't put it in the queue.

But if:

· you like mockumentaries

· you like heavy metal for the sheer theatrics

· you like heavy metal for the same reasons you like pro wrestling (semi-shirtless men in costumes with tight spandex pants)

· you find humor in people taking themselves very seriously when they probably shouldn't

· you like to turn it up to eleven

Put it in the queue!

Written by Jennifer Venson

Black Swan

If you are like me, then I am sure that you are tired of all the movies that make up the "crazy ballerina" genre. In spite of that, we still decided to watch Black Swan. I will warn you now, Ryan and I do end up talking about this movie far more extensively than other movies. If you are wanting to see this movie, you might not want to listen to this show just yet. I don't think we really spoil anything, but we come awfully close to discussing the whole movie. Enjoy.

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Borat

Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen Directed by: Larry Charles

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen.  However, it's more of an "I can't believe that just happened" funny.

Under the guise of Borat Sagdiyev, foreign journalist filming a documentary about the great USA, Sacha Baron Cohen brings you a slice of American pie that isn't always palatable. Of course, Borat's hometown perspective isn't necessarily the portrait of virtue by American standards either.

When Borat arrives in America, he finds that most people rebuff his warm greetings (hugs, etc) with profanity, threats and even running away from him.  A meeting with a feminist group – of course, that's a recipe for disaster. A driving lesson – hilarious fun.  Borat sharing his support of the War on Terror with a rodeo crowd – even better. Dinner with a group of genteel people of a high social echelon – a total train wreck that ends with a threat to call the police.

It's kind of like watching one of those psychological experiments that measures how a people really react as they slip the mask of social propriety on when they know they have to and how their true selves react when they don't think (or perhaps don't care) they're being watched.  Also, it's interesting to see how people get caught up in Borat's crazy enthusiasm.  Seriously – how would you react if a stranger to whom you delivered a telegram said, "You mean to say that my wife – she is dead?  High five!"

These humorous litmus tests of Americans in addition to Borat falling in love with Pam Anderson while watching Baywatch reruns and finding a way to stretch his travel to California to find her make for a very entertaining movie.

However, this movie is not for everyone.

If you are offended by:

• Satire
• Foreigners
• Nudity
• Bathroom humor
• Chickens being carried around in a suitcase
• Homosexuals
• Pam Anderson
• Jokes about ethnicity, religion, America or the mentally handicapped

Please take this movie out of the queue.

However, if you have ever been offended by:

• Unfriendly New Yorkers
• Snobs
• Frat boys
• Feminists
• People who have no sense of humor
• Americans
• Humanity in general

Definitely put this movie in the queue!

Written by Jennifer Venson

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Starring: Danny Elfman, Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara Directed by: Henry Selick

What's this?  A review of The Nightmare Before Christmas?  Quick, gather the emo kiddies around the computer in their Jack Skellington hoodies and sock hats from Hot Topic.  (Yes, I know a lot of them weren't even born when it first ran in 1993.  That's irrelevant.)  Cue the pop-punk remix of the soundtrack.  And do be careful when you're opening those presents…could be shrunken exploding heads this year.

What's this?  I'm being a little unkind.  This is true.  It is difficult to not empathize with the Pumpkin King (voiced by ol' Fright Night vamp himself, Chris Sarandon), bored with years of the same old same old at Halloween.  To quote Trainspotting, "Variety 'ay the spice 'o life."  Then as his melancholy wanderings take him into Christmas Town, he livens up like a teenage girl (or perhaps a 30-something woman acting like a teenage girl) at a Fall Out Boy concert.

It is fun to watch the (literally) animated Jack, accompanied by his adorable ghostly pup Zero, get excited about snow, presents, decorations, "Sandy Claws" and all the trapping of Christmas and want to try his hand at it.

The rest of the movie is actually kind of…meh.  Sure, the Danny Elfman soundtrack is good and there's a nice little romance between Sally  – who is kind of like a cross between Raggedy Ann and Frankenstein – and Jack.  (Which is immortalized in Blink 182's "I Miss You").  There's also some side plot about three irritating monster kids and Oogie Boogie.  But honestly these parts aren't as fun to watch in my opinion, and sometimes make the movie drag.  The sheer magic is in Jack's delight in the idea of Christmas and attempting to deliver his twisted brand of joy to children worldwide on December 25^th.

Between the time I originally saw the movie and re-watching it in 2004, I believe I had pretty glorified memories of it.  Then I went to see the 3D re-release a few years after and was completely disappointed.  And a little more bored during the movie than I expected.

I visited Disney Land this year during the Halloween Celebration (which is pretty much from late September through Halloween). As one of the special holiday attractions, the Haunted Mansion was completely redone in a Nightmare Before Christmas theme.  Everything – from the pictures in the elevator to the trappings in the séance room to the ghouls that follow you home – was all Nightmare'd up.  It was ridiculously cool – and really captured the surprise and delight Jack felt at finding something new when he was a little jaded by the same old same old. Nearly every scene felt totally fresh and exciting – my favorite was them replacing the disembodied candelabra floating in the hallway with Zero waiting to greet all the mansion guests.  Actually, the very idea for this review was born while I was waiting in line as one guy behind me remarked,  "It's amazing how much they've been able to market a movie that wasn't all that good…"

I think he's only half right.  The movie in total, kind of boring.  But the ability to balance creepiness with innocence and despair with joy in just the right quantity that allows teens and adults to enjoy a Disney movie that isn't painted with the same saccharine brush as a 'happily ever after' princess flick…that is genius, and exactly why The Nightmare Before Christmas will be a cult classic for years to come.

(disclaimer:  the author of this blog once owned a pair of black and purple striped knee socks with Jack Skellington on them.  And yes, she bought them at Hot Topic). Written by Jennifer Venson

Christmas Story/Joulutarina

Starring: Hannu-Pekka Björkman, Otto Gustavsson, Jonas Rinne, Kari Väänänen Directed by: Juha Wuolijoki

In case you missed the visual that goes along with this post, the blog is NOT about A Christmas Story.  There is no Red Ryder BB Gun, there is no Little Orphan Annie decoder ring, there is no leg lamp.  This is  Christmas Story,  original title Joulutarina, a movie from Finland that has been dubbed in a very mediocre way.  Probably the only thing the two films have in common is a lot of snow.

Having gotten that out of the way, on to the review.

This tale comes from the land of the ice and snow (Lapland), hundreds of year ago.  On Christmas Eve, the youngster Nikolas (played by various characters as he grows up) is left alone in his family’s cabin as his father and mother take his baby sister Aada to the town doctor due to a high fever, planning to cut across the frozen lake.  Father reassures Nikolas that they will be back soon by giving the boy his pocket watch and promising to return before the little hand hit’s the six.  Of course, they do not return.  Other villagers come to the house long after the promised hour to tell Nikolas his parents’ footprints disappeared into the lake.

The small fishing village hold a meeting to see who will take in the boy.  No family will be able to permanently adopt the boy, so they decide for the next six years, he will spend a year at each family’s house.  Over the years, Nikolas is warmly welcomed into each home, and he shows his appreciation by carving wooden figures for the children of the village to thank them for their hospitality, distributing the toys on Christmas Eve. Over the years, the carvings become more detailed and sophisticated as his skills grow.

Of course, the village has an exceptional year of hardship, and the Nikolas’ future is once again up in the air, as he is an extra mouth to feed.  A visiting carpenter, Iisakki (Kari Väänänen) notices the woodcarving skill Nikolas has and offers to take him in as something of an apprentice.  Though the village knows Iisakki as grouchy and intimidating, they (of course) feel as though they have no choice but to send Nikolas with him.

Though predictable, the increasing respect and warmth master and apprentice develop toward each other is the stuff of typical feel-good holiday films, the movie begins to drag after the first hour.  The adult Nikolas is less heartwarming, more…not exactly creepy, but a little eccentric as he continues to craft toys for all the village children - even after his original peers began starting their own families.  As with the carpenter Iisakki, Nikolas is somewhat of a hermit, only visiting the village sporadically.   He seems to have an obsessive intent to expand his gift crafting and giving to other villages and eventually spread the cheer to children worldwide.

Basically this is a good movie for a while - especially the scenes of Nikolas trying to train reindeer to pull his sleigh)  but if you skip the last 20 minutes (which include a cryptically odd ending), you will probably like this film a lot more than if you watch the whole thing.

Written by Jennifer Venson

Tokyo Godfathers

Starring: Toru Emori, Aya Okamoto, Yoshiaki Umegaki Directed by: Satoshi Kon, Shôgo Furuya

For those who are a little burned out on the holiday classics – Frosty the Snowman, Charlie Brown Christmas, maybe even National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or A Christmas Story – you might find Tokyo Godfathers an enticing choice.

The setting is Christmas Eve in Tokyo.  The main characters?  A trio of homeless people who survive as a loose family – Gin, the middle-aged drunk; Hana, the transsexual; Miyuki, the teenage runaway.  Already it sounds like the viewer should be expecting a punchline.

This anime feature opens with Gin and Hana attending a Christian Christmas Eve service, likely just to get out of the cold (as Gin keeps nodding off).  Later they meet up with Miyuki to scavenge at the dump when they hear a baby crying.  Hana, still awash with the story of the Virgin Birth and yearning to be a mother, is totally excited and ready to begin caring for the little lost lamb.  Gin tries to be rational and persuade her to take the baby to the police, but Hana begs for just one night of mothering.

Perhaps my American expectations have been spoiled by films like Three Men and a Baby, but with this setup it just seems like a comedy is brewing for the rest of the film.  Not so.

There's a key tucked in with the baby that leads the trio to a storage locker.  The locker in turn contains a few photographs and potential clues to the baby's short past.  As the try to locate the parents and understand why the baby was abandoned, their own past lives – and sometimes lies – unravel as well.

If you are looking for a fun, animated, (loosely) holiday-themed movie to watch with the family by the glow of the Christmas tree…this probably isn't it.  Check your local listings to see if Charlie Brown and his haggard tree are on.  Or better yet, check Game Show Network to see if they're having a Card Sharks marathon.

If you want the drama of people struggling with who they were (or who they might become), desperation and the power of love/forgiveness, this is a good choice.   However, it still might be a little too Christmas holiday-tastic for the truly jaded, as there is a nod to Sound of Music in it.

Written by: Jennifer Venson

Buried

A podcast we recorded a few weeks ago for the film " Buried," starring Ryan Reynolds, kind of got lost in the shuffle, but we dug it up just for you!  I guess you might say we unearthed this podcast so it might see the light of day!  Drew and I are like magical druids, exhuming the dead art of movie-podcasting and bringing it to life so we can wreak havoc on the public! Yeah, you might say a few of those things, you just might...

Buried_movie_poster

127 Hours

Danny Boyle has long been one of our favorite directors here at Coming Off The Reels, and 127 Hours doesn't disappoint in any way.  Beautifully shot, masterfully scripted and acted, it should be at the very least a shoe in for a number of Oscar nods if not wins. Oh, and I think maybe we also talk about Tron...

Harry Potter/Unstoppable

We really do our best to live up to our name today. This show is all over the map. We do talk about Harry Potter, with the help of our guest, Tony Adkins. We also talk about Unstoppable, with the help of some Miller High Life. There are quite a few tangents in this one, and some stuff that had to be cut to make it appropriate for the kiddies. Maybe one day they will be on "Coming Off the Reels: After Dark".

Halloween Grab Bag: Evil Aliens, Dead and Breakfast, Saw 3-D

A Halloween tradition dies this year as Saw releases its "final" installment.  I think we will all be ....relieved?...to see it go. Also this episode, Drew says he prefers turkeys over aliens, and Ryan prefers aliens over turkeys.  One thing we would probably agree on is turkeys VERSUS aliens.  Maybe in Thankskilling 3........

Evil Aliens

Starring: Emily Booth, Jamie Honeybourne, Jodie Shaw Directed by: Jake West

What are the first things that come to mind when you think of the typical alien sighting?  Maybe UFOs, gray skin, bug eyes, big head, abductions, anal probes?  Then you will certainly enjoy Evil Aliens.

In fact, the movie pretty much opens with an alien abduction.  (Technically it opens with a shot of a naked ass and copulation in the middle of some standing stones.  But the two are soon taken into the spaceship, where the male gets – you guessed it – a gory anal probe).

The female, Cat (Jennifer Evans) gets an alien impregnation and contacts the Weird World show (sort of a tabloid show investigating/fabricating alien sightings and such) to tell her story.  Show host Foxy (Michelle Booth) has to have some content to accompany her boobs on air during the news show, so she, her crew, three actors for the alien abduction re-enactment and geeky alien expert Gavin (Jamie Honeybourne) travel to a remote Welsh town accessible only by a narrow road that is underwater when the tide is in.

Sounds like an excellent idea, right?

As the crew rolls in grousing about the lack of pubs in the rural town, they do not get a warm welcome.  In fact, they immediately encounter angry farmers who speak nothing but Welsh, one of them wearing a glass eye and a crazed expression.  But these are only Cat's brothers.

Foxy and her crew are determined to take the whole story with a grain of salt – evidenced by the re-enactment, which features a flamboyant actor dramatizing the abducting aliens by prancing through the standing stones in a skintight silver suit and mask.

Of course, the aliens show up again to prove them completely wrong.

Once the humans vs. spacemen fight is on, the level of gore is out of this world.  The aliens really like to rip off limbs and toss them asunder. The humans do their best with chainsaws, crossbows and farm implements. When the alien reserves from the mothership are sent in to help subdue these meddling humans, a score of them are literally mowed down in a wheat field.  (Less crop circle, more crop splatter).  Re-enactress Candy Vixen (Jodie Shaw), sports a Rambo-esque over the shoulder ammo belt and wields a mean shotgun while the men cower.

Evil Aliens actually has a couple moments of excellent foreshadowing  – particularly in terms of random acts, interesting discoveries or found items that end up being super useful alien fighting tools. Also, the alien birth scene is not what I expected.  Not at all.

I would recommend this movie – it's British, bloody, and a nice mix of horror film predictability with a few exciting surprises. However, it also has its share of B-movie weird, including a scene where a female alien deflowers Gavin in a manner beyond his wildest dreams and the steering mechanism of the alien pod looking like a giant brain (which you have to gently massage to drive).

Written by Jennifer Venson

Ghostbusters

Starring: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis Directed by: Ivan Reitman

Most women my age (31) watched and rewatched movies like Dirty Dancing, Heathers, maybe Grease or Labyrinth or Goonies when they were young.

At the Volz household, we watched Ghostbusters. My younger brothers were totally obsessed with the movie, and I – actually having seen it at the movies when I was a pup myself – willingly joined in the almost daily viewing.

The movie begins with a library ghost.  (Par for the course - Evansville has its own Grey Lady at Willard Library).   The self-styled Casanova parapsychologist Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) and easily excitable Dr. Ray Stanz (Dan Aykroyd) join scholarly Dr. Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis) at the New York Library to scope things out and collect some ectoplasm ("Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?"). What seems like a harmless – though transparent - female book browser becomes a scary spectre that causes our heroes to flee the library like schoolgirls.

After their research grant is revoked, the three are forced to figure out a way to capitalize on their parapsychological knowledge – starting their own 'paranormal investigation and elimination' service.  With the new headquarters a dilapidated firehouse (which Ray loves for the firepole) and their official vehicle, a Cadillac ambulance conversion that needs a lot of work (also purchased by Ray).

What makes this movie sheer genius is the casting and humor work perfectly well to make you completely bought in to the idea that three out of work parapsychologists could create ways to stun and harness ghosts with an 'unlicensed nuclear accelerator' (aka proton pack), trap them, and get paid for it. The three initial Ghostbusters are a motley trio of:

• a hardcore scientist who believes 'print is dead' and collects 'spores, molds and fungus.'
• a scientist with a bipolar balance of serious studious knowledge and innocent kid-in-a-candy store glee at things like 'actual physical contact!' with a ghost
• a pseudoscientist more interested in getting the ladies than…well, anything else

And then when business is booming, they add Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson), who proves to be a rational foil to the original three.

The ghost effects are also quite good and dial up the scare or humor as necessary.  Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver), opens her refrigerator to find a vision of a demonic dog saying "Zuul."  Creepy!  Later the same type of creature breaks free from its seemingly stone form on the outer architecture of the building and later emerges in the apartment of Louis Tully (Rick Moranis) only to suffer the injustice of having a party guest's coat tossed on its head (probably why it was so pissed off when it finally bursts through the door, ready to attack).

Probably the most famous manifestion in the movie and beyond is the voracious 'Slimer,' First emerging in the Sedgewick Hotel snarfing up somebody's room service meal, famous for 'sliming' Venkman and becoming their first actual captured ghost, this apparition is more funny than scary. (Which the franchise totally capitalizes on in toy sales and later inclusion of Slimer in the Saturday morning Ghostbusters cartoon).

The whole movie is littered with witty dialogue and dryly delivered one liners, and is highly quotable from beginning to end (just check the 'quotes' page onwww.imbd.com if you don't believe me). Pretty much any time I have to climb several flights of stairs, I break out the line from the stairs-only ascent to Dana's apartment where the Ghostbusters must face Gozer: 'Tell me when we get to 20…I'm gonna throw up.'  One day I'm going to try and get my co-workers to participate in the celebratory exchange: 'We got the tools, we got the talent!' (Zeddemore).  'It's Miller Time.' (Venkman).

Plus, the soundtrack is quite good.  Who ya gonna call for the title song?  Not Kenny Loggins, but Ray Parker Jr.

Realistically, all those hours watching and memorizing Ghostbusters probably could have been spent better by learning another language, playing outside, memorizing poetry, playing the piano, or doing pretty much anything more productive.  However, I do feel that I am prepared should the world need some wit and sarcasm in the midst of a massive supernatural event. And I have learned that if anyone asks you if you are a god, you say YES!

Written by Jennifer Venson

Se7en

Starring: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow Directed by: David Fincher

Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part.

I debated back and forth about whether to consider Se7en a horror film or not. It is a film that certainly shares many of the most common traits that define the horror genre: dark locations, a certain amount of gore, a serial killer. However, there was always something about Se7en that made it seem like something…more. In the end I decided that if the Saw films could be considered horror, than so could this.

Se7en follows two detectives, the young and idealistic David Mills (Brad Pitt) and the old and cynical William Somerset (Morgan Freeman), as they try and track down a killer who is using the seven deadly sins as the inspiration and method for his killings. As the two detectives uncover each murder, they become increasingly more desperate to stop the killer before he completes his plan. That really is about the lamest synopsis to film I have ever written, but the movie is so much more than you can describe with plot points.

If you turned the sound off on your television and just watched Se7en, you would still have witnessed a very impressive film. Every frame seems to reflect the mood of the story at all times. Everything is falling apart. All the lights appear to be stained with many decades worth of cigarette smoke. The paint on the walls is faded and peeling. It is always raining. You can almost smell the decay in the air. No shot seems accidental.

When you watch the films as a whole (turn the volume back up), what you get is an intense horror/mystery that is masterfully crafted and wholly disturbing. Each victim’s gruesome demise will find a way to stick with you; the gluttonous man who is forced to eat himself to death; the greedy man who must cut a pound of flesh from his own body. I hadn’t watched this movie in many years, and I could still recreate the most unsettling scenes in my head.

Yet, in the midst of all the darkness, there are a number of moments that keeps us grounded, and invested in our main characters. The scene where William, David, and David’s wife Tracy (Gwyneth Paltrow) all joke around the dinner table. There’s the breakfast where Tracy asks for advice from William about her pregnancy. There is one of my favorite scenes in any movie, where William goes to an old library after hours and wonders through the stacks researching Dante, Chaucer, and religion while Bach’s Air -Suite No. 3 in D Major plays in the background. Each scene adds much needed humanity to the film and ultimately magnifies the films ending.

The real horror of Se7en comes when we finally meet our killer, John Doe.  What scares me about John Doe is his rationality. Never does he come across as a man who has lost his mind, but rather a man who sees what the rest of us cannot. Of course we are mortified by his actions, but somewhere in the recesses of our mind we understand why he does what he does. I can dismiss “crazy”, it is cold logic that gives me the willies.

I don’t know if it was tougher for me to watch this movie the first time, or each of the many subsequent viewings.  As the movie speeds towards its memorable conclusion, I often wish that this time it would play out differently. This time, the sun never comes out. This time we never have to answer the question, “What’s in the box!?”

Written by Drew Martin

Lake Mungo

Starring: Rosie Traynor, David Pledger, Martin Sharpe, Talia Zucker Directed by: Joel Anderson

I hate to beat a dead horse, as The Blair Witch Project and The Last Broadcast have both already been reviewed by yours truly, but with the stunning success of Paranormal Activity and the recent release of Paranormal Activity 2, I shall throw caution to the wind and review another faux-documentary right here in these very pages.

Set up documentary style, Lake Mungo begins with the Palmer family recounting the disappearance of their daughter Alice (Talia Zucker) while picnicking near the aforementioned lake in Australia.  The family alerts the authorities, and after a day’s worth of searching, Alice’s body is discovered at the bottom of the lake.

The Palmers try to carry on their life in as normal manner as can be expected after such a travesty.  But strange happenings start to occur.  Weird noises are heard throughout the house.  Their son, Mathew (Martin Sharpe), suddenly has a rash of bruises appear all over his body.  A spectral figure resembling Alice shows up in a picture taken by Mathew, an aspiring photographer.

Based on the apparition, the family decides to put video cameras around the house in hope of catching an ethereal Alice in the hallways.  Upon watching the videos, Alice is visible in much of the footage, sometimes stalking the hallways, sometimes as a reflection in a mirror or vase, and almost always effectively creepy.  As the eerie events start to culminate, The Palmers seek the help of parapsychologist Ray Kemeny (Steve Jodrell) to discover why Alice might be haunting their home.

Lake Mungo is presented as a completed documentary as opposed to “raw footage.”  After the plot of the film is presented to us, it is then seemingly resolved in most unexpected fashion half way through the movie.  This sort of red herring is commonplace in horror films, but Lake Mungo seems to have some trouble finding its footing after it self-destructs its entire storyline.  It introduces more questions and more possibilities, but they all seem a little half-baked.

However, the acting and direction in the film are well above average.  Underlying the overarching plot is a subtle undercurrent, and watching as they discuss their loss with the film crew and later with Ray adds a weight throughout the film absent from other films in this genre.  Some may complain about the pacing of the film.  While it does drag in spots, I never felt bored.

When it comes time to wrap up the film there are some plotlines seemingly forgotten and some questions unanswered, both purposely and otherwise, but the ending narrative is flawless, leaving me not only touched, but also running a chill up my spine.  Lake Mungo may make some provisions to try and keep the average film viewer interested, but if you overlook some of its flaws you will find a pitch perfect ghost story.

Written by Ryan Venson

Cemetery Man

Starring: Rupert Everett, François Hadji-Lazaro, Anna Falchi Directed by: Michele Soavi

Nine times out of ten when I'm watching some type of video-based media and exclaim, "What the hell?  That didn't make any sense," I'm watching a commercial.  The tenth time out of ten I'm usually watching a movie Ryan suggested.

Cemetery Man is one of those movies.   It starts out somewhat like an episode of Angel with the handsomely brooding and philosophizing cemetery watchman Francesco Dellamorte (Rupert Everett) roaming the night, assessing his fate.  However it also seems there will be a twinge of humor woven within as our hero nonchalantly shoots a zombie 'returner' (who has politely knocked on his door rather than just barging in as some of the mindless undead do) while carrying on a phone conversation.

It is unclear when our hero sleeps, as both he and his mentally challenged assistant Gnaghi (François Hadji-Lazaro) are out shoveling graves and disposing of zombies in the middle of the night, and greeting cemetery visitors in the day.  One such day he is strolling by a funeral in progress and instantly falls in love with one of the female mourners (Anna Falchi).  He muses on her, rhetorically wondering if he will ever see her again.

Of course she – the youthful widow of an elderly man – returns regularly to replace the flowers on her husband's grave, and Dellamorte makes a few attempts at awkward conversation before her can really capture her attention.  He seduces her with a tour of the cemetery's ossuary -- which seems very bizarre until you realize she must have a thing for old bones given she was married to a geezer and goes on about what a great lover he was.  This leads to an even more bizarre sex scene on her deceased (but not totally departed) husband's grave that ends with her being bitten by a zombie.

And this is one of the most logical parts of the film from this point onward.

The disappearance of the woman (who is never named and credited only as 'She') brings a visit from the town detective – one of several characters seemingly meant as an allegorical criticism of bureaucracy.  The disorganized clerk at Town Hall with piles of papers, forms, and general chaos is another such poke, as is the self-absorbed, election-obsessed mayor.

However, once you get into the mindset that the movie may have a deeper meaning and really get settled into the idea you might have to deconstruct this movie after watching it, things take a turn for the silly.  It involves Gnaghi falling in love with the mayor's teenage daughter, a group of youth hooligans on motorcycles and a bus full of Boy Scouts.  Then from silly to quasi-philosophical or straight up hallucinatory, Dellamorte begins having conversations with Death, who tells him to stop killing the zombies, but to instead save the trouble and kill the living.

I would liken watching Cemetery Man to the time I got somewhat lost in Rome.  I left the hotel with another person from the tour group, expecting it would be relatively simple to walk down a few streets, window shop a bit, and to enjoy the sun after being cooped up in a plane for half a day.  Instead, the streets meander around and aren't necessarily an ordered grid easy to navigate.  In fact, there does not seem to be much rhyme or reason to them.  Eventually we got back to the hotel, but it was kind of the complete opposite direction expected.

If you do choose to watch Cemetery Man, I recommend you prepare first by watching something else that doesn't make sense (like Lost Highway or Triangle) just to get you in the proper mindset.

Written by Jennifer Venson

The Descent

Starring: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza Directed by: Neil Marshall

I don’t like caves.  They are rough and craggily.  If you were climbing and you were to fall, you could easily break a bone or a head.  They are dark and cold.  Often times they have an unpleasant aroma.  When I was young I played “Spelunker” on Nintendo.  It was one of the worst games I have ever played.  I think this contributed to my unsubstantiated fear in caves.

I can’t imagine enjoying caving as a pastime.  Apparently it happens though.  And this is the backdrop for the film The Descent.

Six female friends decide to take a caving trip in the Appalachians.  There is some superficial background exposition about helping Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) get over the loss of her husband, who died the year before in a violent car wreck.  This is a plot point that resurfaces from time to time in the film, but isn’t really the meat and potatoes.

The girls descend in to the depths.  As they navigate a particularly dark, tight tunnel, it collapses behind them, effectively sealing off the entrance.  This doesn’t seem like a problem as there are other exits in this particular cave system.  That is, until headstrong Juno (Natalie Mendoza) admits she has taken them in to an unmapped system…you know, for the sake of discovery!

As the six friends trudge aimlessly around the cave hoping to discover an exit, the film becomes more and more claustrophobic.  There is a real feeling of despair.  Nobody on the outside who might notice their disappearance knows which cave system they are in.  It’s cold.  One of the girls falls and breaks a leg.  Add a bevy of half-humanoid cave-evolved mutants to the mix, and despair turns in to outright hysteria.

The Descent is somewhat indebted to films like Aliens and Pitch Black, borrowing the standard formula of picking off unwitting innocents by an unknown malevolent race.  But making small adjustments on an old recipe keeps it fresh.  Instead of aliens, differentially evolved humanoids; instead of an unknown planet, a cave setting; instead of a diversely gendered group of actors, an all female cast.  These tweaks make all the difference.

In addition to those changes in the formula, the film crew itself is flawless in execution.  The make-up/special effects group create a completely realistic creature, there is no reliance on CGI.  In particular, cinematographer Sam McCurdy and Neil Marshall do a masterful job in direction.  The caves themselves become characters; sometimes wide open inviting creature attacks, sometimes closing in on the heroes and, above all, always foreboding and dark but never murky.

Films like The Cave or The Relic or even The Descent 2, sadly enough, are the sort of pedestrian executions viewers are used to seeing for this sort of film.  The Descent rises above these because of the talent involved.

Written by Ryan Venson

The Bottom of the Barrel

To be honest, I really don’t feel like watching and writing about another horror movie. Don’t get me wrong, I like horror, I am just getting a little burnt out on it lately. Not to mention that most movies in the genre are uninspired pieces of garbage that have no business being viewed by anyone, ever.  To save you from making some of the same mistakes I have, I will be writing a little bit about several movies that you should make a point to steer clear of at all costs.

Ankle Biters

The best thing about Ankle Biters is trying to describe it to you friends. A movie about a town that becomes overrun with midget vampires who are trying to get an ancient sword so that can make regular size vampires...how could this possibly be anything but amazing? The problem, of course, is production value. Imagine if a 4 year old kid got drunk, grabbed an old VHS video camera and just started running around filming. Do you have that image in your head? Well that still can’t prepare you for how this movie turned out. Most of the time you have to just guess what everyone is talking about because the audio is almost nonexistent. Save yourself the time of watching this movie, and just enjoy the fine tagline instead.

“Three feet tall! Two inch fangs!”

Jigsaw

Kids today will hear “Jigsaw” and automatically think of the villain from the Saw movies, but two years before Cary Elwes was hacking off his own leg, the real Jigsaw was making terrible movies. Jigsaw is the story of a group of college art students who are given a very unusual project. They are all given different pieces of a skeleton and must decorate the piece as they see fit. I think each piece is supposed to represent part of the student’s fears, but who can be sure. Like most classes I attended in college, the teacher has the students gather at a bar in the middle of nowhere to present their work. They quickly assemble the newly decorated body, name him Jigsaw, and then set him on fire. Jigsaw ain’t no sucker though, and he comes to life and begins killing the students.

No gore, no nudity, no budget. I at least give the movie credit for having our monster come to life for no good reason. Jigsaw wasn’t struck by lightning, dropped in radioactive material, or covered in the blood of Satan.  Jigsaw just kind of exists. One good point is not enough to erase another wasted evening watching this terrible waste of celluloid.

House of the Devil

Unlike the first two films I wrote about today, this was actually a very well received film. House of the Devil is the story of a young girl, Samantha, who needs money for her new apartment. She sees a sign about a babysitting job and she decides to call. Once at the house she finds out that the job is actually to babysit for a couple’s invalid mother. Samantha tries to back out, but the couple offers her more money, so she takes the job. Then shenanigans occur, demonic rituals take place, blah blah blah.

This film was set in, and painstakingly shot like, the horror films of the early 1980’s. To the filmmaker’s credit, it is freakishly accurate to films of that era. The well crafted visual style is the biggest thing that separates this movie from Jigsaw or Ankle Biters. What House of the Devil has in common with those other two movies is that hardly anything happens. I cannot remember the last time I was as bored watching a movie as when I watched House of the Devil. I mean you would think that at the devil’s house crazy shit would be happening all the time, but it feels more like an evening at Shady Groves Retirement Village.

You should probably try and watch at least one of these movies just so you can say you watched it, and as much as it pains me to say it, House of the Devil is probably the best of the three, but that is still a long ways from anything that I would call good. So if you find yourself at a video store this coming Halloween weekend, don’t just blindly pick out a movie because the box looks cool, or the premise sounds interesting. Do your research, or you may get stuck with werewolves in wheelchairs, filmed with someone’s cell phone.

Written by Drew Martin